6 Myths About Sex Parties Debunked

We love Kubrick, Kidman, and (marginally) Cruise, but Eyes Wide Shut did nothing to dispel the misconception that clandestine enclaves of rich white men run all the world’s sex parties. Neither did Hefner and his Playboy Mansion offer anything but a male gaze-centered stereotype of group sex.

I’ve been hosting sex parties since 2019 and pride myself on breaking the stereotypes, empowering women through my female domination workshops, and educating all.

That is why I’m thrilled to debunk these six common myths about sex parties.

You have to look like a model

“Perfect” bodies don’t exist. Full stop. And even though LA is the home of the hotties, it’s also a land of dreamers and artists. Sex parties attract those people too. So, while body confidence helps make a sex party enjoyable, your value isn’t entirely dependent on what you look like. I vet my Boudoir Soirée guests for a variety of qualities, physical attractiveness being only one. I look for lively spirits, adventurers, kinksters, and guests I know will add interest to the party.

Let’s also not forget that a variety of body types are considered attractive! There’s no one type that is universally beautiful, much less superior. That goes for men and women.

Read the 9 things I’d tell my younger self about sex for more on topic of sexual confidence as it relates to body image.

Sex parties are all about male pleasure

Not in my house, hunty! I call my penthouse Domton Abbey and it’s a Queendom, not a kingdom.

After attending many sex parties where male pleasure seemed to be the focus, I began hosting my own. I was tired of parties with swinging dicks everywhere, men cruising around naked racking up body counts. The last thing I want male guests to expect is to be served a porn fantasy at the expense of women. And while the group scenes at my parties have been described as “classical paintings,” it’s always in service of female fantasy first. In fact, prior to each of my Boudoir Soirées, female guests write down their top three fantasies for the night and we help each other make them a reality.

My Boudoir Soirées are a hybrid of education, BDSM, femdom, and sensuality. And the focus? Female pleasure first! That’s why you’ll see my manservants dedicated to pleasing female guests, whether it be through fetching their cocktails or worshipping their feet. All male guests who attend my events have agreed to the mission of centering female pleasure.

Sex parties are sleazy

As a host, I pride myself on the meticulous vetting of guests so no creeps are allowed! I highly recommend only attending parties where there is a strict vetting process to ensure safety and sanity.

Some parties require STI testing and any party worth attending has a code of conduct that encourages guests to talk about safe sex before engagement.

I also prioritize hygiene and environmental cleanliness so you never feel like you’re in a John Waters movie.

Sex Parties Are for Promiscuous People

First of all, I loathe the word “promiscuous” with its judgmental religious undertones. People attend sex parties for a variety of reasons, including adventure, experimentation, exploration, and sometimes to bond with a partner. The sexual appetite and habits of guests aren’t homogenous. What a boring party it would be if everyone was the same!

I invite both voyeurs and exhibitionists (though I encourage the voyeurs to be of service). There are Dom(mes) and subs, switches, pets, princesses, and masochists. I love a party where there is kinky play that isn’t entirely focused on penetration.

It’s an All-Out Orgy

Most sex parties begin with a cocktail hour, some socialization, and unless they are purposed as such, they rarely become a giant orgy of lips and limbs slithering like a basket of snakes. People pair off, group together, make out, and sometimes just watch.

My Boudoir Soirées also feature entertainment and activities like Topless Tarot, burlesque, BDSM, and other kinky elements to enjoy with your clothes on.

THE SEX IS PerformATIVE

While exhibitionists can be turned on by “performing” sex, that is not the expectation at my parties. Men reasonably worry about stage fright (will it get hard and stay hard?), while women can be anxious about how they look in their lingerie. These are normal concerns but sex parties are a wonderful opportunity to let go and flow energetically with others. Especially if you lean into D/s dynamics can you find yourself less worried about appearance and more present and in tune with the flow of energy between two or more people.

At my Boudoir Soirées, I offer private spaces where no one can watch. So, if you have performance anxiety, just look for the makeout closet and close the door.

Domton Abbey and My Boudoir Soirées

As of February 2025, I have produced and hosted 20 play parties so I have a lot more to say about this topic. Join the discussion on my members only channel, Domton Abbey.

Apply for my next Boudoir Soirée play party…

Domme & Dommer

Read about my first ever sex party experience in my erotic novel, Domme & Dommer, and the many fantasy scenes that have played out since that fateful night!